Communication is one of the cornerstones of success in relationships. It is a need if any relationship should thrive. Over the years, this topic has been discussed in many marriage seminars and counselling sessions. The attention it has attracted is justifiable. No relationship can do without communication. Relationships are about exchanging ideas that matter in the course to achieving collective goals. No decision is made in relationships without first agreeing on it. For agreement to be possible, there has to be communication. Not just communication, but effective communication.
Communication can be defined as an exchange of information through a medium. Information can have different content depending on the intention of the sender. The medium of exchange also varies depending on the type of message to be sent and how urgent it is. Both the sender and receiver must be aware of the available communication channels that best suit their type of conversation. When this is done, communication can take place. Communication can either be effective or poor. In order for communication to serve its purpose, it must be effective. Effective communication deploys a number of factors which have been discussed in this article. It also plays a pivotal role in making marriages thrive. Effective communication is learnt and practiced. After reading this article, it will be discovered that most challenges in marriage are due to lack of effective communication.
Effective communication can save any relationship, especially marriages. Communication is very important in marriage. Everyone knows this and understands its irreplaceable value. Marriage is a complex institution whose lifespan is as long as the spouses in it. Because of its length of time, spouses are put to a test in many areas of their endeavors. During dating and courtship stages, pretense and lies can succeed but not in marriage. One cannot pretend and keep lying until death. One day the lies and the true image will be exposed.
Communication is the lifeline of any marriage. Those that have mastered it and used it correctly are enjoying its fruits. A high rate of failed relationships and challenged marriages can attribute that to lack of effective communication. As it will be observed from this discussion, communication stems deeper into the intricate issues of life. In marriage, it is not just the mere relay of messages but feelings and personal information. When mastered, effective communication can eliminate a number of threats that destabilize marriages.
Effective Communication can eliminate suspicions. The life of marriage is long. Oftentimes, spouses encounter awkward moments at an individual level. There are situations which may implicate them in suspicious acts. If not communicated, these situations can cause suspicion in the other partner. It is imperative that spouses learn to communicate regardless of how awkward the situation can be. Suspicions are one the causes of marital problems. They are the doorway to most marital misunderstanding.
Effective Communication prevents misinformation. Any time the truth is not communicated by the right individuals, misinformation is the result. Communication always has an intention depending on who is sending the message. Marriage is sensitive and any information in it is delicate. Where a spouse does not communicate to the other, the information can be distorted and relayed with an ill motive. Most marriages have suffered this occurrence. It is difficult to put oneself on defence if communication is done by a third party. Effective communication can eliminate misunderstanding. Marriages encounter misunderstandings quite often. This issue comes up for a number of reasons in cases where an individual tries to communicate but perhaps omits some details in the message. But when effective communication is learnt and implemented, misunderstandings are minimized. Where there is a barrier in language and interpretation, misunderstanding is often the result. Misunderstanding often springs up when one spouse uses a mode of communication which the other is not familiar with. When this happens, the receiver will interpret the message differently.
If effective communication is learnt and implemented, it has the potential to build trust. There are few marriages that can survive without trust. If at all they even exist. Where there is lack of trust, the gap between spouses begins to grow wide until the marriage is no more. Where effective communication lacks, even a tiny detail can disrupt the flow of trust. There are couples that are challenged because one neglected to communicate with the other. As insignificant as it may seem, negligence in communication can break trust in relationships.
There are factors to consider if communication has to be effective; it has to be open, truthful, verbal, timely and respectful.
Open communication is when partners welcome each other into how they truly feel. It’s no surprise that spouses can keep secrets from each other on how they truly feel about so many issues in marriage. While there are many underlying reasons to this, it should be noted that openness is the major part of intimacy. Openness can bring vulnerability; and that is the fear that many share. Nonetheless, vulnerability is what proves the presence of love. To truly experience love, one has to be open about their weaknesses. Trust without vulnerability is not possible. When spouses love each other, they can share their vulnerability without fear because perfect love has no fear. Where fear for betrayal exists, there can never be perfect love. When spouses love each other, they trust each other with their deep feelings and offer support in areas of weaknesses. Where there is no love, weaknesses are used as a weapon during misunderstandings. When such happens, there can never be trust. Consequently, there would never be intimacy. Open communication is a test for the presence of love. Where spouses find it hard to openly communicate for fear of betrayal, there is no love in that relationship; and there would never be effective communication. Communication creates awareness through transferring information. If the information has to be useful, it must be truthful. It is not enough to transfer information, it has to be truthful. When the truth is hidden, deception is what has been communicated. Honest communication yields honest results. The purpose of communication should not be to mislead but to give the receiver the chance to make informed decisions based on the truth. In marriage, if effective communication should be achieved, it must be honest. It should represent facts as they are. Unfortunately, during disputes, spouses sometimes mislead their mediators to try and dictate the results. The long term effect of dishonest communication is that the same issues resurface from time to time. Where there is no honesty there can never be a lasting solution. Honesty brings helpful solutions which can help spouses introspect and make adjustments where necessary.
Spouses should always communicate verbally not through signals. Especially when offended, signals can either be picked or misunderstood. It is not healthy when spouses deprive each other of verbal communication. Speaking out affirm signals. That’s if spouses still wish to use signals. Until spouses grow to a level where they know each other too well to understand each other’s non-verbal communication, it is advisable that verbal communication remains the first mode of communication. By all means, being physical should be discouraged. Physical abuse is not a mode of communication. It is simply abuse. In some marriages, physical abuse is used as a way of sending a message to the spouse. Regardless of the offense committed, spouses should never resort to being physical with each other. Sometimes, silence is used to try and communicate. This is a form of emotional abuse and mental torture. If spouses are unhappy about anything, they should speak it out. Silence is not part of communication. It is simply that; silence. It leaves the other spouse guessing what message is being communicated. When silence prolongs, matters escalate. Avoiding to discuss matters does not help but makes the situation worser than it should be.
Communication should be timely for it to be effective. Messages are only valid for a certain period of time. Messages lose their essence when not communicated on time. Communication can save lives and prevent human catastrophe. It can also help a couple to seize big investment opportunities. Where messages are timely communicated in marriage, they can help bring order and timely decisions. In homes, decisions are made on a daily basis. In marriage, decisions are not only made on a daily basis but made collectively. Spouses are required to agree on so many matters that concern them and the house. They also agree on matters concerning their future and family affairs. Sometimes spouses don’t have the privilege of being together to make decisions. Therefore, they have to depend on the effectiveness of their communication skills. Where there is physical distance, spouses are put to a test of communicating on time. Imagine a couple that wishes to purchase a property that’s on high demand; if they are not in the same town, whereby only one of them is available to make the purchase, agreeing on the property would require that the spouses appreciate the importance of communicating on time. Information changes with time and if not acted upon on time due to poor communication, golden opportunities can be lost. Timely communication is as important as the message itself.
No matter how spouses feel about any matter of concern, communication should always be done in a respectful manner. When there is no respect, the message is received with emotions. Consequently, the message is overshadowed by emotions. Communication can be done differently depending on who the receiver is. The mode of communication matters. In marriage, spouses should agree on how they should communicate to each other on different matters. There are matters that can be communicated through the phone while others require a face to face talk. Sensitive issues can be misunderstood when communicated through the phone. When spouses know each other’s tone, they add tones to the words as they read each other’s messages. Creating a rather not pleasing situation if the message carries the exchange of words. Sometimes the messages can be received with imaginations that do not necessarily portray the intention of the sender. Communicating feelings should be respectful and done in a sober manner, bearing in mind the relationship that exists with the receiver and what is expected of the sender. Spouses are obligated to respect each other. Therefore, in everything that is done, especially in communication, it should be done respectfully.
Effective communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship. It has the potential to build trust; prevent suspicion, misunderstanding, misinformation and can save a marriage. Spouses should be open, truthful, verbal, timely and respectful in their communication if they are to achieve effective communication. The knowledge that has been shared in this article is tried and tested. Marriage counseling sessions have revealed that the challenges between spouses in marriage usually stem from the lack of effective communication. Therefore, with this knowledge, it is hoped that you – the reader, will benefit much by implementing it.
About the Author
Chilando Kanyanta is a writer and speaker. His themes are Wisdom, Relationships, Purpose and Spiritual Inspiration. He has interests in Mental Health, Family Life, Discipleship and Personal Transformation.
Phone: +260 779 771 477
Email: chilandokanyanta@gmail.com